the end.
i cant help but be numb, im surprised.
i also knew this was going to happen, when a love that has and was always destined to be wrong ends. you convince yourself that your love for each other has to be the one thing that can hep you survive the pain and the hurt until you have your one last hoorah and its clearly not.
Instead it ends up with a fury of words and a earth shattering slap, then the running out the door and the reality is that its over.
And all you can muster as your screaming and crying into the phone is “what the fuck”. I always knew i didnt hold myself well, in moments of crisis. But that instance took the cake.
Time, is all i have on my side, to get me through this. To help me feel the pain that i know is going to come and could destroy me for the next person that does come along.
It took a 39 year old with two kids to make me see that the man, that i was so helplessly in love with. Was also the sort of boy i would never speak to in the real world, funny how love can blind you deeply. After all the hurts, the screaming, the crying, the silence, the abuse, the sex and the love. Our love was one that was seriously almost out of the movies, and when i get through this it will be one of those loves that makes a good story. He on the other hand, is now just someone i used to know and that i am not so numb about. We find our feet, we strengthen our muscles we believe in our abilities and then we fly.
He flew and there was just nothing i could do about it. I was too little, too late.
But our love was a good one, just not the right kind.
